Perfection
by Sehrezad
Summary: “It never ceased to amaze her how content and happy it made her simply just to be near to this little creature, to the most perfect thing in the universe.” – One night Seven is thinking about perfection and the way how she finally managed to reach it.


**Perfection**

_Hey there! I hope somebody will read this.__ This is my very first Star Trek: Voyager fic._

_Sorry for my English!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything connected to the show._

_Summary: "It never ceased to amaze her how content and happy it made her simply just to be near to this little creature, to the most perfect thing in the universe." – One night Seven is thinking about perfection and the way how she finally managed to reach it._

Seven of Nine woke up with a start. However, she didn't know what the cause of her disturbance was in the middle of the night. She opened her eyes but remained still and listened to the silence which filled up the room. Nothing unusual. Then she looked at her left side and for a while just observed her husband. Chakotay was sleeping peacefully on his stomach next to her. His left hand was resting on her waist as she was lying on her back and there was a hardly visible smile on his face. He couldn't have been the reason of her waking up.

She sighed and closed her eyes… then she opened them again when she heard something. The little noise wouldn't have been audible at all if it hadn't been for her borg implants. She could hear it loud and clear. With a swift movement Seven left the warm comfort of the bed careful not to wake up her husband then went to the adjacent room.

There he was, her little five months old son sleeping in his crib. But unlike his father in the next room his dreams must have been disturbed by unpleasant images as his breathing was uneven. That was what woke Seven up several minutes ago.

Reaching the crib, she gently lifted the little boy out of it and cradled him in her arms. It didn't take long for him to calm down in the arms of his mother and Seven had to smile when she heard his content sigh. She kissed his forehead but didn't put him back. She wanted to hold him for a little longer. She wanted to watch him for a little while. It never ceased to amaze her how content and happy it made her simply just to be near to this little creature, to the most perfect thing in the universe.

Yes. After many years of searching it, she was finally able to hold it in her arms.

Perfection.

She still remembered her time spent in the Collective and she still could not leave some things behind which were a part of her for so many years. However, there were a lot of things which she learnt to live without and a lot of new things she learnt to live with.

She learnt to be an individual. She became an independent person who can have her own thoughts and decisions and who, in return, is able to respect the wishes and decisions of other people. It was difficult, she would never deny it and sometimes she learnt it in the hard way but she was satisfied with the result, as was everybody else on Voyager.

As an individual she became part of a special family, a family which accepted her difference and welcomed her, albeit not without difficulties. But she, as she always said it, managed to adapt. She made friends with many people on board and she got a lot of help in her attempt of finding herself. She had got a mentor in the person of Captain Janeway who had never given up on her no matter how hard it was to get some basic human things through to her. They had so many quarrels about interpreting individuality but their relationship during the years never weakened. She was like a mother whom she trusted even with her own life. She had also got a father figure. The Doctor, with his endless wisdom, proved to be the basic force in her social and cultural development. He was always eager, if not too eager, to introduce her into the human relationships. And she could never be grateful enough for his stubbornness – and patience, she must add – in this respect. She had got many siblings, too, as Tom Paris said in his speech on her wedding, who always looked after her. Surprisingly enough, Tom, B'Elanna, Harry and herself became quite close in the last few years. Some of the crew still found it strange when they saw them hanging out together.

On her way towards individuality, she also became a woman. She was never the one who would be aware of her womanly qualities or would take pride in them. After all in the Collective all of this was irrelevant. However, she remembered all too well that time when her blossoming relationship with Commander Chakotay began to be a public knowledge on Voyager. It still hurt for her to remember an overheard conversation between two crewmen who were discussing the negative sides of dating an ex-borg. A machine as they put it. That was the moment when she realized that however hard she would try, she could never be the same as other people. She wasn't even sure that she could be a human being as that. And it hurt like hell.

Seven still remembered standing in front of the mirror which seemed like hours. She was staring at her image. That was the first time she realized that she was a woman, more precisely that she wanted to be a woman. But she didn't feel like one. She was an ex-drone. Not a borg anymore but neither a human. She felt like tearing every bit of implants from her body as they were the symbols of her previous life and the reason why she would never seem like a normal human being. That was the first time that perfection appeared for her in a totally different form than she had known it so well from the Collective. The crewmen were right. But fortunately her worries proved to be without any foundation. It took only one look from Chakotay, who found her sitting on the floor in front of a broken mirror, the same evening and she knew who she was and where she belonged.

In her love towards Chakotay and in his endless affection she had finally found the key to individual human life. However, the road was rather bumpy and during all of this she had never given up on finding perfection. The sense of perfection was the most important thing she had gotten from the Collective and she was unable to give it up. For many years she had failed in finding her lost sense of perfection no matter how desperate she was about it. She missed it from the first second that she was severed from the Collective and felt an unexplainable urge to regain it. She longed after it ever since no matter how many changes took place in her life.

For Seven of Nine perfection meant three things: unity, order and efficiency. In that respect the life on Voyager was nowhere near perfection. And this was the main reason why she found it incredibly difficult to adapt. Its crew was so complex, they simply couldn't think as one. As a result their methods were faulty all the time. In the Collective the individual items formed one perfect entity which was made up of many bodies who were thinking as one and were in total agreement. There was strict order in that system. Individuality ceased to exist. And that was the key to efficiency.

On Voyager this hadn't worked and when she finally realized that it was totally futile to look for even the least sense of perfection on board Voyager, she could still cling to a tiny possibility of grasping it. Her life belonged only to her, in consequence only she could control it. So she did everything in her power that at least there she could get as close to perfection as it was humanly possible. She worked hard and precisely. She was effective everybody had to admit that. Furthermore, she kept to a strict order. Every activity had its place in her life. Even entertainment. She remembered well when she learnt that it was totally against human nature to stick to such a tight scheduled. But it suited her just fine.

Seven felt just fine in her new life. Up until the day Commander Chakotay came up to her and asked her out. From that moment on that she said yes to his dinner proposal everything turned upside down. She lost hold on her remaining sense of perfection and on the day, several months later, when it turned out that she was pregnant, she lost it completely.

It was difficult. At first she panicked. She never wanted to be a mother, but she had never wanted a monogamous relationship, either, and there she was. The wife of the First Officer of Voyager. She learnt during the time spent with the borg children that children are unpredictable. They are as far from perfection as they can get. She grew close to those children, it was true, but she had no intention to begin everything again. Not to mention the fact that a newborn child is more complicated and a much more difficult case in every respect.

Although, she saw the pure happiness on her husband's face at the news she was sure they would never get, given that she still had so many implants, so she swallowed her fear and panic and said nothing. She tried to forget about it as much as it was possible. She returned to her pre-marriage work scheduled and daily routine. She desperately tried to preserve that little concept of perfection that she could get.

Then the baby's first movement changed everything. She realized that it was not only a child that was growing inside her but a new life. She would soon give life to somebody. She always thought that the gravity of the things that she had committed as a borg drone could never be eased on her consciousness. But again, she never thought about having children. The knowledge that she could do something so special helped her overcome all her fears. She could do something which was absolutely the opposite as she had done as a borg. As soon as she had realized that, she became sure that she wanted it. She wanted to give life to that little creature growing inside her.

And then, the second that her son was put into her arms, she knew it. She found perfection. However, not in the form as she had always imagined it but it didn't matter at all as she was holding it in her arms. It was hers. She took part in its creation. As she was lying on the biobed with her newborn child in her arms she silently swore that she would do anything to make sure that he would be always safe.

Seven was snapped out of her thoughts by a tiny movement in her arms. She looked down at her sleeping son. He must have dreamt something because his small hands were moving as if he were trying to grasp something. He was adorable. Seven took one of his tiny hands and gave him a last kiss then slowly put him into the crib and tucked him in. With a last glance at her baby boy she left the room and went back to bed with that comforting thought that her little perfection was safe and sound.

As she was lying in bed she heard a clear rhythmic sound which finally lulled her into sleep.

THE END


End file.
